Alfred F Jones Superhero
by Mr. Nohbodee
Summary: Alfred F. Jones, bumbling waiter at a diner downtown, has a secret… He is the soul protector of Buttsecks City from his arch nemesis, Jack Union. Full summary inside. Rated M for language and buttsecks US/UK lalala
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Alfred F. Jones, bumbling waiter at a diner downtown, has a secret… He is the soul protector of Buttsecks City from his arch nemesis, Jack Union. Keeping his true identity secret, Alfred has to juggle being a waiter, trying to win the heart of his supposed 'true love,' and the life of a super hero all at once.

LITTLE DOES HE KNOW—His true love, Arthur, is really Jack Union and Arthur is blissfully unaware of Alfred's heroic hobby. Can the two mix? Will they ever love each other? Why is everyone gay? WILL BUTTSECKS CITY EVER BE SAFE!

**Author's obligatory bit: **

Howdy ya'll! This is my second Hetalia fic I've posted and I am LOVING it to the max. I was reading some fanfiction about a thief or something and I was really really in love with it and it felt very cartoon-y when I read it. So I thought that Alfred would make a seriously awesome superhero. So here he is, being a hero.

This fanfiction is ENDLESSLY NOT SERIOUS. Hence the ridiculous name, everyone being gay, obliviousness, grammar errors (If you tell me that they're there, I'll fix it) and rushed writing. Plz, don't hate.

**Disclaimer: **Do not own.

**Warning: **There is some strong language in here. And, you guessed it, butt secks. SO EXPECT BUTTSECKS.

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><p>Alfred F. Jones had a secret. Well, Alfred F. Jones had a few secrets. He had the little People-Might-Think-Of-Me-Really-Differently-If-I-Tell-Them-This kind of secret, which most people in Buttsecks City had. And then he had the My-Life-Is-Seriously-Dependant-On-The-Secrecy-Of-This-Secret. Seriously, they would murder him all over the place.<p>

See, Alfred F. Jones, that waiter down at Johnny's Burger Shack, is really The Hero. That guy that runs through the streets at breakneck speed saving people from danger. Like a real, real superhero. And he kept his secret better than anyone ever. Better than Superman, better than Spiderman, and even if his true love were to blink big, green, doe eyes and beg and plead for Alfred to be honest and tell them what it was that he did every night at 9:30 sharp, he would never, never tell. Ever. Because there was a man out there ready to kill Alfred any chance that he got.

And that man was called Jack Union. He was a terror! A menace! He was the epitome of anti-American with his blasted English tactics and ridiculous British flag cape that was a total rip off of Alfred's American flag one. His only purpose in life was to ruin Alfred's life and to wreck Buttsecks City up. But before he had the chance to actually do any damage, Alfred, The Hero, would swoop in and kick his ass.

Alfred's other secret that he, like most of the residents of Buttsecks City, was utterly, unconditionally, fabulously gay for Arthur Kirkland, the most sexy man to ever walk into the gates of Buttsecks City. He had short, wild lemon yellow hair and bright, bright, green eyes and very prominent eyebrows. He was English with a really sexy accent. Kind of like Harry Potter. He was shorter than Alfred and considerably less muscular, but Alfred liked him that way. He was perfect.

The only problem was that he couldn't really commit himself into a relationship. Alfred F. Jones was The Hero! He had a duty! He couldn't take time between serving burgers and saving Buttsecks City from total rapeage to try to be a good, committed boyfriend. It was impossible. Even for The Hero.

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><p>The day that Alfred first met Arthur, it was raining. The Englishmen shook the little drops of water off his bright yellow umbrella as he entered the diner. It was about three in the afternoon and things were slowing down from the lush rush. Actually, aside from a crazy woman in the corner that insisted to stay in the diner the whole day and a workin' class man drinking another cup of coffee, the diner was empty.<p>

Alfred smiled at Arthur as he sat down at a booth. He grabbed a menu and trotted over to the man, "Welcome to Johnny's Burger Shack," He said cheerfully, he was always a dreadfully cheerful person. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Arthur didn't meet Alfred's eye, "Do you have earl grey tea?" He asked. It was the first time that Alfred had ever heard a real, life British accent. He had seen a couple of shows, he watched Harry Potter, but he had never heard a real, real one in real, real life.

"Whoa! You're totally British!" He gasped, not entirely aware that he was gaping and that it was horribly rude. "AH—Sorry, I mean, yeah, I'll get that!" He caught himself and turned on his heel. He was so excited! All he ever got was the weird regulars and some other Americans.

He brought the hot water in the weird little pitcher deal and the tea bag back to Arthur's table. This time around Alfred studied the man quite intently. He had a heart shaped face, it made him look feminine, but he had broad shoulders, so that balanced it out. And his eyes—oh his eyes. It was like looking into two perfectly round green apple Jolly Rancher candies on his face. It was then that Alfred realized that this British dude was totally hot.

"Decided on what to eat?" He asked, he felt his heart beginning to pound a little faster.

Arthur handed Alfred the menu, "Nothing today, thanks."

And that was really it. Arthur paid before he left, grabbed his umbrella and went back into the rain. Alfred watched as he left staring longingly at him.

That night was also the same night that he first encountered Jack Union. He was doing his nightly patrol, clad in his white face mask, American flag cape, red spandex body suit, blue utility belt, and white guns of justice, when the most annoying accent called out from behind, "Face me, you twat!"

Alfred turned around to see a man with a red cap covering his hair, a blue mask hiding his face, a three piece suit with a large Union Jack as the design and a British flag flowing behind him. One of the only distinguishable features that Alfred noticed was the glint of green eyes behind the mask.

Alfred glared. "And who the hell are you?" He demanded.

The man laughed, "I wouldn't expect a wanker like you to know, so I'm not surprised with that response." He took a step forward and Alfred held his ground, "If you must know I am the man that is going to kill you." Another step," I am your worst nightmare," Alfred felt the urge to step back as the man kept walking towards him, "the ultimate Anti-American," He felt sweat trickle down his cheek, "I am Jack Union." They were inches apart before Alfred registered what was going on.

Alfred grabbed one of his Guns of Justice and shot Jack Union in the chest. But his Guns of Justice weren't real guns. He was going to put criminals in jail, not kill them. So a powerful shock of electricity shook Jack Union's body and he fell to the ground, his muscles convulsing and sweat forming across his body.

"Well I'm The Hero and there's no way in hell I'd ever let someone as lame as you do any damage to my city!" He said triumphantly. He didn't see Jack smirk and he didn't see Jack reach into his jacket and retrieve a weird device. Suddenly a loud ringing could be heard all across the city. "Whoa! What the hell is that!" Alfred shouted, but nobody could hear him.

Suddenly, the largest pigeon Alfred had ever seen swooped down onto the street. He fell onto the ground in shock as Jack pulled himself up and pet the bird's wing, "Now, now, haven't you ever seen a ten foot tall pigeon before? " He threw his head back and barked a laugh, "No, I don't think you have. Well, it's nice to know what I'm up against." He jumped on the bird's massive back, "Ta-ta, klaxon!"

The bird kicked off of the ground and flew off over the bay, leaving Alfred utterly shocked.

When Alfred got home that night, he was determined to find a way to best Jack Union… Only, Alfred didn't have a giant bird. He was just a waiter. He fell asleep angry, confused, and with far too many thoughts in his head. And that night he had nightmares about Jack Union towering above him, Buttsecks City in ruins, and that hot British guy from the diner was clinging to his arm.

Alfred was not very good at spotting coincidences. He wasn't really a smart kind of guy. He didn't piece together that on the same day that he met Arthur, Jack Union happened to roll into town. He didn't take into consideration that they were both British with bright green eyes. The thought that the guy from the diner and Jack Union could be the same person never occurred to him.

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><p>Bam! Introductions, setting the stage, getting something of a conflict in there- DONE! Now's the part where I get to gettin'. (As in figure out how the hell I'm going to get some more buttsecks in here)<p>

REVIEW ME FOR I AM A LONELY SOUL IN NEED OF LOVE!

And do it because you want to correct something that's wrong with this fic.

Or because you love me.

Or because you love it.

Or just because you're bored.


	2. Developmental issues

Dear all the people that reviewed,

You made my heart explode into little happy flowers that dance around and tell me to write more gay things. Because you are all amazing, if I get a turn out in this chapter like I did in the last one, I will fo' sho' draw some arts regarding Alfred F. Jones, Superhero and post the link on this fanfiction.

No Joke.

I will do it.

I love you all so much.

(TWO PAGES. Not one, but TWO PAGES of reviews! 20+ emails about people faving, reviewing, and alerting this story! 200+ hits! That's freakin' amazing(for me... :/)! I wrote straight up smut and got less traffic than this! WOO! GO SUPERHEROS!)

Love, Nohbodee

P.S. This chapter turned out a little more serious than I would have liked, but it's got it's highlights.

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><p>Ever since he was little, Alfred knew that he was going to be something great. He didn't come from a great place, his dad was a drinker, and his mom did her best, but things always ended up a little less than good. But almost despite all of the troubles he faced, Alfred had a way of coming out of it smiling.<p>

But then things got bad.

His parents started fighting more and more as he grew older. They couldn't pay the bills, they were in debt, Alfred wasn't doing well in school. Eventually, his parents got a divorce. His father went south and he and his mother went north.

Alfred was raised by his mother to be open and understanding. She taught him all the things that he would need to know to have a lot of people like him. All the things that his father didn't have. He should be confident, because nobody in the world could ever be like him. He should be strong and even when things seemed bad, he could take on the challenges. He should be righteous and have a strong set of morals so he could make smart decisions and live a clean life on the straight and narrow.

Only, his path didn't really stay straight. Actually, by the time he was fifteen his path was about as straight as a rainbow, but nobody could guess it by looking at him. If you asked him about it, he would say that comic books helped him realize his sexuality. He would look at men fighting crime in skin tight spandex and he would get turned on. Other kids had their porn and Alfred had his comics.

The comics plus his mother's strict righteous ways of life eventually grew into an obsession with superheros. He knew he was going to do something great to help people. And not something stupid like start a petition to end animal cruelty…. No, he was going to go right to the source. He was going to abuse the guys that abused the animals. He was going to abuse the hell out of them!

And at age sixteen, The Hero was born. A red and white tracksuit and a beebee gun with a black ski mask over his head… Yes, he got in trouble. Big trouble. But he didn't give up. He knew that the people of the world needed a superhero!

When Alfred turned twenty, he moved into Buttsecks City. He had gotten a costume specially made for The Hero and made sure that his identity remained hidden so that nobody could arrest him for 'disturbing the peace' or any nonsense like that. And, slowly, he began helping out the police force catch thieves, vandals, prostitutes, and all other sorts of criminals all under the code name of The Hero. Soon, he was a legend amongst the people of Buttsecks City.

He didn't really know anybody when he first moved to down, but a nice Spanish guy offered him a job at his restaurant. Well, one of the customers, Johnny Smith, liked Alfred so much; he offered him a higher paying job at his new diner. A year and two months later, a young British man walked into Johnny's Burgers.

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><p>Arthur came back to the diner the next day and Alfred was more than delighted. He ordered the same tea and made little to no conversation, but Alfred tried his best to be friendly.<p>

"New in town?" He asked as he brought Arthur the hot water and teabag.

Arthur hummed and nodded setting the bag in the water and letting it sit.

"And you came from, like, London or something?" He ventured.

Arthur shot him an acidic glare, "No. I'm from Liverpool."

Alfred couldn't help but chuckle, "That kinda sounds like a name of a disease…" He felt the glare of the poison green eyes and grew serious once more, "But, uh, humble."

Arthur fought the need to laugh at Alfred's ignorance. Coldness was the best way to act when you were a villain. But he did find Alfred charming in a way.

So Arthur came back a third day, which was everything against his plan. He wasn't actually planning on coming in the second time, but he lived close by and he really wanted some tea. He was going to have no patterns, no stability in his lifestyle. He needed to be mysterious, untraceable. But things like that never seem to work out.

"Ah, you're becoming quite the regular. Earl grey tea?" Alfred asked as he approached Arthur's table. He flashed the Brit a dazzling smile that he hoped would impress him.

Arthur nodded.

Once he brought the tea, Alfred scooted into the opposite side of the booth and rested his head in his hands, staring at Arthur, "So what's your name?" He asked.

Arthur, who was a little surprised at Alfred's strange ways of going about introducing himself, smiled. "I'm Arthur." He said. In his head he gave the full introduction. _Arthur Kirkland, top genetic engineer at Facilities of Abnormal Genetics. _He was professional, he was secretive and mysterious. He was a villain and villains never gave away anything more than necessary.

Alfred smiled wide, displaying a set of pearly white teeth, "I'm Alfred F. Jones, please to meet ya," He offered a handshake that Arthur returned.

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><p>Things were going really well in Alfred's life. That weirdo, Jack Union, seemed to have disappeared for the time being. He got to see that hot British dude—no Arthur- almost every day and they were actually becoming something of friends. Things were great. Fantastic. Wonderful.<p>

Until Jack Union decided to make another appearance.

Alfred, clad in his The Hero costume, strutted through the streets proudly. The crime rate seemed to have decreased quite a bit in that past year and besides that one weird visit from Jack Union, he felt that Buttsecks City was becoming a cleaner, healthier city.

But Alfred froze when he heard the unmistakable sound of a ten foot pigeon's wings flapping. He turned around slowly and sure enough, there was the red-white-and-blue union jack fluttering in the wind, and Jack Union himself aiming a strange looking gun right at Alfred.

The gun began to glow in an intense yellow light. Heroically, Alfred dived to the side and missed the bright yellow light that Jack Union had attempted to shoot at him.

"Mother fucker!" Alfred cursed under his breath. He thought things were finally going to just be awesome for a second. But no, this obnoxious, un-American, poison-eyed, shit face had to go and ruin everything. He reached for one of his Guns of Justice and tried to take aim at the man upon the pigeon, but he could see the bright yellow begin to build inside the weapon Jack Union was holding and was forced to flee farther into the city.

"Did ye miss me?" Jack Union called out an edge of cockiness to his voice.

Alfred glared, "Like hell!" He aimed again and shot his gun, but he was too far away. The simple stun gun didn't quite cut it.

Jack Union put on a face frown, "Well that's not a very nice!" He shot again barely missing Alfred by a few inches. Under his breath he mumbled, "Third time's the charm."

Suddenly, the bright yellow light seeped through the cracked between the interlocking mechanics of the weapon instead of just the barrel. (Gun anatomy, what's that?) Sensing an explosion, Jack dropped the overheating weapon towards the sidewalk and watched as the yellow light grew to a blinding white.

There were a few cracks followed by one decisive boom that terrified Jack's oversized bird sending it into a frenzy. Jack Union was thrown off his bird and onto the unforgiving ground only a few feet away from the blackened sidewalk—the aftermath of his gun's backfire.

Alfred stood, shocked. His luck just kicked Jack Union's ass. He felt a smile creep onto his face.

Jack Union forced himself to stand, his back aching and his left arm cut and bleeding heavily from a stray piece of broken plastic from his gun," Heed my words, bloody wanker, this is _not_ over!" He cried and reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a device similar to the one that called the pigeon. He pressed the button on it and from the sewer crawled out an enormous hedgehog with a saddle strapped on it.

The Englishman climbed onto the spiny animal as Alfred stood and gawked. He thought things were crazy with the giant pigeon, but this was nuts.

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><p>The next day he noticed that Arthur had a weird lump under the sleeve of his left arm. When he asked about it Arthur nonchalantly said that he got cut when he was doing dishes. Distracted by his mesmerizing eyes, Alfred accepted the story without any further thought. He didn't seem to notice that Arthur was walking around stiffly, as if his back was in great pain. He was too much in love with his plump lips and deliciously pale skin.<p>

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><p>"<em>S-Shit! F-Fuck me harder!" Arthur cried. Alfred greedily obliged pounding his length into Arthur over and over. Arthur screamed Alfred's name. Their sweaty bodies intertwined on Alfred's bed and their lips mashed together just to break apart after a short moment so they could moan and cry out once more. <em>

_Alfred turned his head to the side to stare out the window. Buttsecks City shined bright and the great expanse seemed to—_

"_Look at me you twat!" _

_Alfred snapped his face back to look at Arthur, confused that he was suddenly rude and using the words that his only enemy had said not one week ago. But instead of the sexy Englishman from the diner pressed against Alfred's body, it was a blue masked face with a red cap covering his hair. _

Alfred shot upright in his bed, panting. His erection was gone and all those happy, sexy feelings were replaced by ones of fear and loathing. Why in the world would his subconscious confuse Arthur and Jack Union? They were nothing alike! Well, besides being British and with green eyes… But that didn't matter! There were plenty of green-eyed British people in the world!

Yes, Alfred was quite upset with his subconscious.

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><p>AND THERE IS YOUR NEW CHAPTER! I am not as happy with this one as I was with the last one. It's not as funny, but I felt like I needed to say a few things about <em>why<em> Alfred is the way he is. Also, some development in the Alfred/Arthur bit. BECAUSE I'M WEIRD AND THINK THAT PEOPLE HAVE A COUPLE CONVERSATIONS BEFORE BUTTSEX.

Speaking of buttsex, don't you just hate Alfred's subconscious?

Review, review so you can get pretty, pretty art for the fanfiction!


	3. Problems

You are beautiful the art is on my DA account. To get there you can go on my profile and click on the homepage URL delay or you can look me up on DA x-sane-asylum-x. I dun know if you can't post links on and I don't care, ya'll are gonna work for yer art, ya hear?

This is Arthur's chapter. :D

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><p>"Do you want to go have a drink with me?" Alfred asked as he brought his new regular his usual cup of earl grey tea.<p>

The Englishman stared at him, both frozen for a moment, "Uh, I have something I must do tonight, though." He replied, a little sad. He actually wanted to go out with Alfred. But he really did have things he had to tend to, calming his pigeon was hell the night before and he had a much bigger surprise for that bloody hero.

But Alfred was not swayed, "Well I've got somewhere I need to be around nine-ish so we can go out until then?" He was too hopeful, Arthur loved it.

What a coincidence! Nine thirty was when Arthur was expecting The Hero to appear once more… It was perfect, "Well then that changes things. Sure, I'll go," He said, trying not to sound too eager.

Alfred's face lit up in a bright smile, he had to stop himself from asking 'Really!' or 'You sure!' Growing up he was told to never look a gift horse in the mouth. "Awesome." He breathed, "So, uh, I get off at seven. Wanna meet me here then? I know a great place."

Arthur smiled, "Sure." He said. He was happy to get a date… It had been a while since the last time…

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><p>Arthur was what some people would call a prodigy. In school he was the top of his class, and he was two grade levels ahead. He was fluent in four different languages by the time he was twelve and he could play the piano, cello, violin, and harp. He attended a prestigious private college focusing on genetic engineering. He got his PHD and graduated top of his class at age 19.<p>

Being so busy with academics, Arthur never had time to deal with silly little things such as dating or such madness. How would he be expected to excel in school if he had to focus on some silly woman all the time? He never went on a date until he was twenty. Admittedly, he wasn't aware it was a date until he recalled the memory and properly analyzed it. Yes, looking back it was most certainly a date.

His name was Francis Bonnefoy. They had gone to school together and Arthur positively loathed him. He was too laid back, too easy going, too French. His hair was much prettier than Arthur's, and he knew it. His eyes were a deep shade of blue, like the ocean. Women, men, professors, everyone loved Francis. Everyone but Arthur.

So when Francis practically begged to go out drinking with Arthur, he was shocked, disgusted, and intrigued. So he went ahead and said yes.

The two got nice and drunk when Arthur decided to rant about all the things he hated in his life. He hated his blasted brothers who had the nerve to treat him like dirt when he was only trying to be a good brother. He hated his father who was over controlling and a major pain in the ass. He hated that his mother had to sell her cafe because it wasn't as convenient as other coffee shops and was losing money. But mostly, he hated Moonbucks(Like Starbucks but fake so I don't have to have any sense with it!). Moonbucks, the all- American pain in the ass. They were corporate, overpriced, everywhere, they sold coffee, and they took his mother out of business_. _Arthur would hold that grudge forever, but no matter how many angry letters he sent complaining, the owner of the company didn't care.

And Francis didn't care either. He just wanted to get laid. But he had no such luck. He was sure that Arthur was gay, every time the man walked by Francis's gay-dar went wild, but the man acted more asexual than anything. Well, he kind of just acted like a whiny bitch.

"Listen, if you 'ate Moonbucks so much why don't you just complain to ze owner of ze company?" Fransis asked, very annoyed with Arthur and not nearly drunk enough for it to be fun.

Arthur twitched an eyebrow, "I've written the hobknocker at least ten times." He scoffed, "He doesn't give a shit about my mum."

"If you go and talk to 'im in person, zen I am sure you will 'ave a 'igher chance of your complaint reaching 'im." He continued. It would be funny; to imagine Arthur living in the place he despised the most. "I 'eard 'e lives in—"

"Buttsecks City, I'm aware." Arthur finished. He finished his glass of brandy. He had actually considered leaving Liverpool just to get away from his family and he wasn't really sure what he was waiting for. He was successful, one of the top genetic engineers at the Facilities of Abnormal Genetics. (Though everyone just called it F.A.G for short) But he would never ever in a million years go to-

"—Buttsecks City. It would be an excellent place to go to. Here in the Ethology department, we have discovered that two animals of the same species—from the same parents even—behave differently in their native environment and the environment here. If we move a branch into Buttsecks City, we could better conduct research on Native American species like the snowy egret or rattlesnake. ((Logic? Lolwut? I tol' ya this isn't serious)) And with a team of expert engineers stationed there, we could only have excellent results." Arthur was only _slightly_ hungover as some jerk from the Ethology department ranted about something or other. He wasn't really paying attention.

The president of F.A.G nodded, " Thank you, James, I will take that into consideration. " Usually when the president said something like that, it was just a conclusion on the topic. He said that about almost every proposition brought up in the meetings.

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><p>But how surprised was Arthur when the president of F.A.G actually went with James's idea? The president of F.A.G invited Arthur to go to America. The president of F.A.G. insisted on Arthur taking the job, subtly suggesting that if he didn't there would be a job opening for the spritely new intern in the genetic engineering department. The president of F.A.G already had things sorted out and a floor on the office building of the Ethology building set aside for genetic engineering. The president of F.A.G. went on Arthur's list of things he hated.<p>

So Arthur found himself in Buttsecks City against his own will. But he also saw a wonderful opportunity to bring the owner of Moonbucks to justice. Yes, he would have his revenge. And that was why Arthur devised the evil plan to genetically alter animals native to Great Britain into an army of massive creatures to destroy Buttsecks City and the owner of Moonbucks once and for all.

But there was a problem.

'The Hero', some dope in spandex that ran around the city 'saving people' posed a threat. Arthur didn't know much about him other than he carried around stun guns and had extreme amounts of stamina. But he was a minor issue. Destroy The Hero, destroy Buttsecks City, destroy the owner of Moonbucks. Simple as that.

But little did he know that he was meeting up with that dope in spandex that ran around the city 'saving people' that very night. He took a cab to the diner just as Alfred was waving goodbye to his coworkers, a wide smile spread across his face. Seeing such a cheerful face, even Arthur smiled. And then Alfred saw that Arthur was waiting for him—smiling—and his face lit up. To that, Arthur's heart melted.

"You totally made it! Awesome!" He said. "Have you ever been to Glory?"

"I don't think I have, no." Arthur replied.

"Believe me, it's awesome."

Glory was a bar dedicated to the savior of Buttsecks City, The Hero. Arthur was none too pleased. There were photos of him on the walls with all kinds of people, mostly kids. There was a supposed 'original uniform' or The Hero framed like they were at some Hard Rock Café.

"So, uh, I get the feeling you're a fan of The Hero?" Arthur asked, trying his hardest not to cringe. That resilient bugger lasted much longer than Arthur had expected or wanted. He needed that wanker out of the way as soon as possible.

Alfred smiled wide, "Yeah, he's awesome!"

The night went by quickly. Alfred promised to be the designated driver and ordered them both a beer.

"My only one, promise." He said. Arthur rolled his eyes and took a drink. Their topics of conversation were irrelevant and neither of them really paid attention to what they were saying. Weather, traffic, work (Which Arthur quickly changed the subject to), that weird man in the corner who seemed to be on his six or seventh drink.

"What do you think happened?" Alfred asked a smile on his lips. He loved this game, one of the reasons he went out drinking. "Breakup?" That was always the top contender.

Arthur chuckled. "See his suit? Fired." They both laughed. The man had slick blonde hair; he was taller with broad shoulders. His suit was messy, his tie undone. He definitely looked like he was just fired. "He's not fussing over a phone call or anything; he definitely got fired."

Eight thirty rolled around and Arthur stood, not quite drunk yet. "Well, mate, it seems I must get going if I want to make my appointment on time." He checked his watch again; yes he had barely enough time.

Alfred nodded, "Alright." He stood, barely buzzed from the one beer he drank (he was a man of his word) He pulled his keys out of his pocket "Where to?"

Arthur told him to drop him off at Poof Apartment buildings, three blocks from his actual apartment and five from his work building. As soon as Alfred drove away, Arthur was sprinting to his apartment to retrieve his villain costume and shoving it into a briefcase.

He walked into the office without problems, as usual. People respected him at F.A.G. as they should. He immediately went down to the basement where there were three extremely large cages. One held the pigeon, one with the hedgehog, and the third held a massive snake. The snake, were it its original size, would have been much shorter than most snakes and much fatter. It had a flat snout and a black and white scale pattern. The Adder snake, the most dangerous animal in the UK.

"Are you ready to kill some pesky Americans?" He asked, threading his fingers around the bars of the cage. The snake flicked its tongue in response, "Because it's finally your time, my darling." The snake began to uncoil itself from the small pile of muscle it was in. Its head rose and slinked down to meet Arthur's eye.

The Brit turned around and removed his jacket, "Tonight is the night, my friend." He announced, stripping himself down to his underclothes. He pulled out his Jack Union costume, "Tonight is the night we finally kill that blasted Hero."

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><p>Alfred inspected the area where he faced Jack Union the night before. There was a blackened area with some small cracks in it from where Jack Union's weapon exploded. It displeased him. Such a place should never be stained by something as foul as Jack Union. If this city were to be stained, it would be stained with justice! The kind of justice that was provided by people like Alfred F. Jones!<p>

There was a noise. It sounded like someone had broken some air vent and the air was rushing out in a low hiss. No, it didn't sound like that. It sounded like something Alfred did not want to admit it sounding like. It sounded like a massive snake, and if he learned anything from Indiana Jones, it was that snakes were effing terrifying.

He turned around slowly, but saw nothing. The noise came again, louder than before.

"Confused?" An all-too-familiar voice rang out. It sounded a different kind of familiar, though. He knew it was Jack Union, but he felt that the voice was reminiscent of something else as well.

Alfred did not reply.

Another hiss called out from behind him, he whirled around and found he was looking into Unicorn Park, full of huge trees, the perfect hiding place for a twenty foot long viper. His eyes searched around the dark trees, but he couldn't see a thing.

He stood, frozen when a long, black, forked tongue flicked out from the shadows behind a large oak tree. White and black and grey scales shined in the streetlamp's glow. It looked slimy.

"Like my new pet?" Jack asked. The massive snake slithered out from the trees to reveal the suited man straddling the reptile's massive body. "It's an Adder, beautiful isn't it? Most deadly animal in the UK."

Masking his fear with a confident smirk, Alfred raised one of his Guns of Justice.

Jack Union laughed, "That little stun gun won't do anything to my baby."

But little did Jack Union know that that little 'stun gun' was really a shot gun. He knew that Jack Union meant business and to bring him to justice meant to bring him to his knees. Literally. But if he was always on some huge monster, his knees were always a good six feet from the ground. He shot the gun and it ripped right into the reptile's body.

There was a loud hissing and the monster lunged at Alfred, but it was disoriented and Alfred went running. Blood spilled from the hole in the beast's body.

"You twat!" Jack Union cried. He was honestly not expecting the bloody hero to actually have a useful weapon! Another shot rang out from Alfred's gun and the beast was so large it was impossible to miss. The snake was already beginning to get drained and was slowing. Arthur slapped the beast's back and commanded it to move, but it couldn't anymore; the beast's life was spent.

"Shit, that was easier than I thought…." Alfred mused, relief washing over him. "Haha! The bigger they are the harder they fall!" He called out to Jack who was still trying to rouse the fallen reptile.

"You bloody asswhipe!" Jack screamed. So many hours he spent growing that beast! When that reptile wasn't even fertilized Arthur was watching its every move, watching it grow. He caught mice and rats and cats and dogs for that monster to eat and he knew that this was one of his only chances to finally destroy this freak without getting blood on his own hands.

He craned his neck to try and find something—anything to get him out of this situation. But of course there was nothing. All that was behind him was a dark forest…

He took off running.

"H-Hey! Get back here!" Alfred said, honestly surprised that Jack Union responded in such a way. He got a good twenty feet into the woods before the thought of following him struck him. But when he started running, he knew that there was really no chance he was going to find Jack Union in that forest. The trees were too thick and there was no light. He could be anywhere and Alfred would look all night and find nothing.

* * *

><p>The next day the news was flooded with stories about the massive reptile corpse found in Unicorn Park the night before. The corpse was recovered by none other than The Hero and reported in. Arthur watched the story on the news, the cocky idiot telling the story like it had been no big deal. Arthur saw the fear in his eyes that night. He saw that for a moment The Hero didn't know if he was going to live beyond that night.<p>

He stared at the empty cage in the basement of the F.A.G headquarters, more pissed than anything. It would take him years to create an animal as powerful as the Adder. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.

He didn't go to the diner that day.

* * *

><p>Sorry for the poop ending. I just wanted to end this chapter before I reached 3,000 words because I feel too inconsistent.<p>

So are ya'll good with longer chapters? Cause I get the feeling that there will be longer chapters in your futures.

Review because you looove me. I'll post faster if you post more reviews! You are my motivation, mm'kay?

P.S. Lemon in next chapter.


	4. Demon called Alcohol

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS WORDS LIKE SHIT AND FUCK. THIS CHAPTER ALSO CONTAINS SEX BETWEEN TWO MEN. AS IN BUTTSECKS.

I honestly don't know what I'm going to do next chapter…

* * *

><p>"I thought he was, ya'know, a regular and junk? Do you think I ruined things? Did I mess everything up by taking him out to drinks? Oh god, oh god, oh god…" Alfred was freaking out. Arthur had gone to the diner every day for almost a week straight, but he didn't come one day and that must mean one of three things. One, he was really sick—so sick that he couldn't get up to go to his favorite diner. Two, the date went by horribly and Arthur wasn't interested. Or three, he was kidnapped by Jack Union because that sick fuck wanted to torture and rape every sexy Brit he could find.<p>

"Ya'know what? I think you're, like, nuts and you're freakin' out over, like nothing." Feliks, one of the other waiters almost acted like a therapist to Alfred. He was like this when Alfred went through a break up with that one Mexican kid when he first started; he was there for him when Alfred was left for some German guy by that adorable Italian kid. He also had a seriously awesome drag show downtown. "Now go take this over to table seven," He handed Alfred a plate of hot food.

Sighing deeply, Alfred took the plate from Feliks and took it to the table. He was still worried and Feliks wasn't helping this time. What if Arthur never came back to the diner? What if Arthur hated him? What if Arthur decided to date Jack Union instead!

"Alfred, you seriously need to focus. So he didn't show up one day, it's not the end of the world." His other coworker, one of the chefs named Toris, said.

Alfred shot him a very pointed glare, "Well not everyone gets to work with their boyfriend." He growled. He knew that Toris and Feliks were dating, the whole town did. They still insisted that they weren't, though. Hell, Toris acted as if he weren't gay and he was the one that moved to Buttsecks City.

After Alfred's little remark the others left him alone. All through the day Alfred messed up orders, took food to the wrong tables, and ran into people as he watched the door waiting, waiting for that one person to walk in. He would burst in and smile and hug Alfred and apologize for making him worry and Alfred would reply with some kind of 'it's no problem,' and they would make out until the screen faded to black and the credits rolled.

But Arthur didn't come in all day. No kisses, no credits, nothing. Just worry.

* * *

><p>Arthur paced back and forth. People were already suspecting something with abnormal genetics being the source of Jack Union's pets. It wasn't some silly comic book alien animals anymore, the people of Buttsecks City were actually using their brains and it was going to pose a serious issue. They would go to F.A.G next. They would question the top scientists at F.A.G. They would question him.<p>

He stared at his suit tossed in the general direction that his suitcase was in. _Is it even worth it…?_ He shook his head. _What am I thinking? This is for mum! _But his patience was running dangerously thin with this 'hero.' He needed to kill that boy quick or he was going to pull a Disney Hades and call some crazy titans on that kid's ass.

But he couldn't. No, Arthur didn't believe in fairy tales anymore. But it would have been lovely. Ride a bloody centaur into that blasted Unicorn Park brandishing some huge ray gun and just blasting the bloody moron into the fiery pits of hell. Things were easier when he was younger and fairies would be there if he closed his eyes. Things were easier when his mother had a job and he was living back in Liverpool, not some gay capitol of America. (Though he did have to admit knowing that more than 90% of the population was gay was handy.)

But things did seem easy like they did before when he was with Alfred. All smiles and laughter and nothing serious. No Moonbucks, no genetically altered animals, no dumb 'hero,' just simple joy.

The clock read six in the evening. He had spent the better of twelve hours brooding and doing nothing productive… And he didn't visit the diner. Alfred would get off in an hour… Would he be up for drinks again? Because Arthur wanted to get smashed. He wanted to forget The Hero and his dead snake and everything that sucked. He wanted to be encased in the lovely demon of alcohol and the sweet scent of the American.

* * *

><p>"Holy shit! Arthur! I was worried I had scared you away or something!" Alfred cried stopping himself from running over and tackling the Brit to the ground.<p>

Arthur chuckled, "No, no." He smiled at Alfred, "Listen, can I take you out for drinks?" Of course Alfred wouldn't say no. There was an obvious attraction between the two, Arthur was well aware of it, too.

Alfred almost died of happiness for a few reasons. First, his true love was asking _him_ out for drinks. Second, he hadn't ruined anything. Third, he was _so _getting laid that night. He'd just have to lay off being The Hero for one night. He had killed a freaking enormous snake the night before, surely Jack Union had a big enough hit on his self esteem that he'd give up or something at least for one night.

"Ohmygod yes!" Alfred said.

"Seven?" Arthur asked.

Before Alfred could confirm the number a voice called out from the kitchen, "Just take the freaking night off before you, like, explode or something!"

Cheeks hurting from how wide his mouth was being pulled Alfred turned to face the kitchen, "You sure, Feliks?"

A blonde head poked out from the kitchen, "Get the hell out of here!" He cried.

Alfred turned back to Arthur, "Uh, is right now okay?"

Arthur laughed, "Right now fits my schedule perfectly."

* * *

><p>They were shitfaced drunk. They weren't drunk, they weren't plastered, they were fucking shitfaced drunk.<p>

"Heey, see tha' guy over there?" Alfred pointed at an empty barstool. It didn't matter though Arthur said he saw him anyway, "That guy is prolly _gay._"

Arthur scoffed. "_You're _prolly gay, ye big poof!" He said, his face feeling quite heavy and light at the same time.

Alfred smiled, goofy and charming as ever, "Oh yeah, I prolly am." He rubbed his nose on his sleeve and chuckled, "And so're you! You're prolly as queer as any'a tha guys here!"

It sounded like a challenge to Arthur who loosened his tie, "I bloody well may be!" His eyes lowered. Sultry was a good word to describe him, "Ya'know? I think I am!" His voice grew louder, "I am the most queerest man in thish room!" He cried and burst into laughter. Alfred froze and just stared at Arthur. Another good word was alluring. Arthur caught Alfred staring and smiled, "What're you looking at?" He slurred his voice low.

Alfred's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, his mouth was suddenly dry. When did Arthur get so sexy? Oh, wait, he was always that sexy. "I'm, uh, just, uh, staring." Alfred replied, a deeper red creeping onto his already flushed cheeks.

Now, Arthur hadn't been on many dates. He was always the working type; he was always the studying type, the smart kid, the virgin. And he stayed that way. But being drunk and the strong attraction between the two blondes had Arthur leaning forward on his barstool, his lips just hovering above Alfred's, "Staring?" He asked.

From the moment Alfred had laid eyes on Arthur he knew that he wanted to make out with him, but in his daydreams he was never drunk, so their first kiss was not the perfect awful chick flick kind of kiss, It started rather sweet (ignoring the messy, wetness of it); Arthur initiated it, which surprised the both of them. (Alfred kept the thought of alcohol+ Arthur= kisses, but he wouldn't remember. He doubted he would remember anything) Arthur's full lips against Alfred's, flushed, drunk skin brushing against each other became a clashing of tongue and teeth a battle for dominance that Arthur had lost.

"We-We should get out of here…" Arthur said with Alfred kissing the side of his mouth.

"Whyy?" He whined.

A tall man slammed the bar in front of them, he had white hair and deep red eyes—The albino. "Because this isn't _that_ kind of bar. Pay the tab and get a room." German, but the others couldn't tell.

Arthur fished out his wallet and placed a 50 on the counter, even though the tab was only 35 and sauntered out the door, Alfred's arm slung over his shoulder. They were laughing, but they didn't know why.

* * *

><p>Neither of them could remember how they got to Alfred's apartment. They couldn't didn't remember the angry Italian cab driver or the climb up two flights of stairs to get to Alfred's room. They were both quite caught up in the moment, and that moment was hands and skin and teeth and warmth.<p>

Alfred savored each touch. He ran his hands down Arthur's chest, across his shoulder blades, up his neck, across his face, through his hair, he loved every single moment. Arthur unbuttoned his shirt and began tugging it off, letting Alfred explore more, his undershirt, bare shoulders, more neck, ivory skin.

A red t-shirt and white undershirt joined Arthur's shirt on the ground as hands made haste to fumble with belt buckles. Arthur finished first and tossed the leather strap onto the ground quickly followed by Alfred's. Alfred also tossed his glasses, not caring if they broke or were lost. All he cared about was getting Arthur. Now.

They rolled on the bed, relishing the feeling of skin against skin, devouring each other. Their lips were bright and swollen, their faces brighter and so much softer than they remembered. They ended up with Arthur straddling Alfred, lips still connected, Alfred's hands on his hips.

Arthur was unbelievably fit. Muscles unbelievably toned for just a waiter.

Both of them were plenty erect at that point, bulges rubbing against their pants against each other. Arthur groaned deep in his throat sending shivers down Alfred's spine. Had he done that? Arthur started unbuttoning Alfred's jeans.

"Eager? " He breathed, suddenly out of breath.

Arthur smirked at the tent in Alfred's boxers, "Something like that."

"Have you, uh, ever done this before?" He asked wanting, desperately, for Arthur to relieve him from his cotton confines. It hadn't really occurred to him before, there was a chance that Arthur had never done it with a man… It didn't seem likely because the Brit was so damn sexy he probably had all the guys (and gals) hanging off of him back in pancreaspond or wherever he lived before.

A burning blush sprouted on Arthur's face, no, no he hadn't. Not with a man, not with a woman… He masturbated, sure. He imagined what it would be like for a man to pound him into his shower wall or to take his length into their mouth. But those were just fantasies, daydreams, nothing more than those unicorns from his childhood.

"I-uh, no." He said quietly, not wanting to meet Alfred's eyes. He _wanted _to do it, but what if Alfred changed his mind? What if, because he was a virgin, new at this, whatever, Alfred wanted to take things slower for his sake? No! No! No! He wanted Alfred! He wanted Alfred _now!_

Before Alfred couldn't fathom a response, Arthur reached into the hazy American's boxers and began rubbing the fleshy appendage. Alfred's words melted into soft groans as Arthur palmed Alfred's erection.

"Fu—You sure?" He was seriously talented for a virgin. Arthur gently scraped the underside with his nails, "God—ah—Arthur!" It was a dream come true. A hazy, unclear, alcohol induced dream come true.

"Alfred," Arthur whispered his voice low and husky, Alfred tried to focus on Arthur's green eyes, but was having difficulties. "Alfred, I want you inside of me." He grabbed one of Alfred's wrists and pulled the hand to a plump ass cheek.

Alfred gasped at how direct Arthur was being. The Brit fumbled with his slacks and pulled them down as far as his knees leaving only a thin layer of cotton between their bodies. Alfred attempted to grind their groins together, any kind of friction. Arthur groaned in his throat.

"Now. Alfred please, please now." He pleaded.

Quickly, Alfred rolled over to his nightstand and pulled out condoms and a container of lubricant. He dumped more than enough of the cold substance into his palm and rubbed them together making sure to lather his fingers in the substance.

Arthur shimmied out of his boxers exposing his erection to the cold night air of Alfred's apartment. Alfred rubbed the ring of muscle as a warning. He pushed a finger in and Arthur gasped.

"Okay?" Alfred asked. Arthur nodded. Using that as a blessing, Alfred started pushing deeper, the tight muscles tightening around Alfred's finger. Arthur hummed to the feeling. H e was used to the one from his solo work. He curled the digit and started pulling it out. Arthur groaned deeply his eyes fluttering.

"Mmmmm, again…" Arthur moaned.

Alfred chuckled, "I need to prep you." He explained. He felt the muscles relaxing around his finger. He took that as a queue to insert the second. Arthur groaned a little in pain but sucked it up. He scissored noting the little pained gasps. Muscles tensed again, but a quick nibble at Arthur's neck solved that.

There was a much sharper pain as Alfred inserted the third finger. He whispered words into Arthur's ear, but he couldn't remember what he said. He kissed and nipped at Arthur's neck, he stroked Arthur's cock earning little moans.

He thrust the fingers in and out, stretching the passageway. "I'm r-ready," Arthur said. "Please…" He looked so submissive. Eyes half-lidded, lips slightly parted sweat on his brow. Alfred captured those lips in a quick kiss and removed his fingers.

He pulled down his boxers and finished pulling off his pants. His hands slipped around on the plastic containing the condom. Arthur grabbed it from him and opened it himself. As soon as he was 'suited up,' he pulled Arthur's slacks off and positioned himself at Arthur's entrance.

Slowly, he pushed in and Arthur groaned in pain. Once Alfred was fully sheathed, he stroked Arthur's cheek and began pulling out. Remembering where Arthur's sweet spot was, the next time Alfred pushed in, he aimed.

"Nnnn- Fuck," Judging by the noises emitting from the Brit, he assumed he was doing something right. "H-Harder." He commanded, but it came out more like he was begging.

Alfred obliged pulling out and pushing in quicker, aiming for his prostate. Arthur was growing accustomed to the feeling of Alfred's size inside of him and the pain of being stretched was melting into pleasure.

Arthur was mewling and moaning and panting and writhing on the sheets, pleasure overtaking him. Alfred grabbed Arthur's legs and pulled them farther apart, driving into farther and faster. Arthur grabbed at Alfred's back gasping for breath. Both he and Alfred felt a warmth beginning pool in the pit of their stomachs, climax lingering in the distance.

"Fuck! Fuck! Alfred, ohmygod, Alfred!" Arthur wasn't even trying to quiet his screams of pleasure. He fell back onto the bed hands roaming over his own body.

The warmth grew more intense, the muscles surrounding Alfred's cock tightening, earning pleasured groans from deep in his throat. "Arthur I-I'm going to—mmmm,"

"Fuck—me too,"

Alfred kept pounding, the sound of skin slapping against skin growing more prominent as groans and mewls became pants. Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed onto Alfred's shoulders again as he cried out some unintelligible word. Upon Arthur's relaxation, Alfred was pushed over the edge climaxing only seconds after Arthur.

He fell, limp, onto the smaller man's body and was pushed over to his side. "Arthur…." The older man hummed in response, "Arthur I think I love you." But he couldn't hear, he was already asleep.

* * *

><p>Arthur woke at six in the morning, his internal alarm clock screaming in his ear. Arthur stumbled into the bathroom, his body truly exhausted. He needed to get cleaned up, though. He had work in two hours. Not to mention he had to finish up the new weapon to use against that bloody 'Hero.'<p>

There was some red cloth sticking out of the bathtub the edge was frayed, it looked well loved. Curious, Arthur pulled the fabric out of the bathtub. It was an American flag clasped together at one end. It looked an awful lot like a cape… He peered into the tub and saw more red fabric with blue leather.

The realization hit Arthur in a wave of nausea and he heaved into the toilet. Alfred was The Hero. Alfred, sweet, charming, the-guy-that-just-took-his-virginity was the most annoying person in the world. The person keeping him from revenge. The source of all his pain and anguish. He tossed the cape back into the tub along with a red jumpsuit.

Alfred smiled at Arthur with tired eyes from the bed. "You're up early," He whispered. His head was pounding.

Without a word, Arthur pulled on his slacks and undershirt, collecting the rest of his clothing and walking out the door. He ignored the pain in his ass and the stinging of tears on his eyes.

Confused, Alfred tried to follow him out, but as he tried to get out of bed his head screamed pain and his legs got tangled in his sheets. "Arthur?" But the only response was the (much louder than usual) slam of the door.

* * *

><p>CLIFFHANGER! HOOO DAYUM.<p>

How do you like them apples?

I don't know why, but when I write lemons they always taking FOREVER to write and end up being really short… :\

P.S. you guys are so amazing. In the past week, I've gotten over 1.5K+ hits. That is flipping amazing. Seriously love you all.


	5. Problems continued

We are nearing the end, my friends. AND YOU ARE ALL SO FREAKING AMAZING AKJFSLD:FKDJ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! What can I do to ever repay you for the amazingness that you provide me? Say the word and you've got it!

* * *

><p>As if Arthur's day was not bad enough, there were two police cars parked outside of the F.A.G. office building. He let out an exasperated sigh and composed himself before slightly limping into the building. The office was too quiet besides the murmuring of two two officers and a man in a suit talking to one of the receptionists.<p>

He had to forget about his Alfred for a moment and focus on not getting caught.

"Mr. Kirkland, thank goodness!" He flagged the man down.

"Yes, what's going on?" He asked, as if he didn't know.

The man in the suit nodded. He looked oddly familiar, slick blonde hair, bright blue eyes, broad shoulders, "Yes, hallo. My name is inspector Beilschmidt. I'd like to ask you a few questions if that is alright." His accent was thickly German. It almost made him think of the bartender from the night before, but he quickly shook those thoughts away.

"Yes, officer, that is fine." He walked Arthur to the side.

"You are aware of the issues involving a man going by the name Jack Union, correct?" He pulled a little notebook out from his pocket as if he were some reporter or something. Arthur nodded, humming as an answer. "And you know that the Adder snake we recovered is the size of an RV because of genetic tampering, yes?"

"I should assume so for you are here." Arthur didn't hide the hint of venom in his voice.

Inspector Bielschmidt paused, "Yes, then you are also aware of Jack Union's English pride as a bit of a trademark to his sort of 'super villain' act?"

Arthur had to stop himself from insisting that it wasn't an _act._ He just nodded, sensing where the conversation was going.

"Did you know that he has green eyes, fair skin, appears to be the same height and general build as you, Mr. Kirkland?"

Arthur's eyebrows narrowed,"What are suggesting, inspector?" He asked, he ignored that his voice cracked.

"Mr. Kirkland, could you please tell me where you were two nights ago at 9:30?"

There was a pounding in Arthur's ears, his breath was becoming shallow. He hadn't thought of consequences, which was, plainly, out of character. He could go to jail for what he did. He had a successful job, he lived in a nice apartment, he had someone like Alfred waiting for him. (though that could be questioned in the later moments in their relationship. Arthur still had a lot of thinking to do about this whole Alfred-Is-The-Hero deal) Jail would ruin everything.

"Mr. Kirkland?" Bielschmidt asked, noticing that Arthur was thoroughly spacing out.

Arthur shook his head and smiled, "Sorry, I was at home eating dinner or something."

"Can anyone confirm that alibi?"

Arthur froze. It was just like those cop shows and he was the bad guy without an alibi.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice rang out in the increasingly uncomfortable silence, "Si! Si! I can!" A man with chocolate locks, golden skin, and emerald eyes walked up, he had a Spanish accent, it was deliciously spicy, and "I called him around 9:45 and he invited me over for dinner. You can check in my phone if you like." He held out the cellphone. It was a smartphone, confusing.

The inspector took the phone and messed around for a minute, he handed it back to the Spanish man with a sheepish look on his face. The man flipped through it all and showed him the phone.

"Can you confirm this as your number?" The inspector showed him the phone. 555-4564 Call made at 9:47 PM. It was a completely strange number filed under Arthur Kirkland.

Quickly Arthur nodded, "Yes, yes, this is my home number."

Bielschmidt turned back to the Spanish man, "And how do you know Mr. Kirkland?"

He smiled wide, his teeth were straight and white, and "We've been good friends for a long time."

Arthur had no idea where he came from, but some trustworthy-sounding Spanish man was lying for him and it seemed that the inspector was buying it. "May we get your work number under file in case we need to contact you, ?" Arthur nodded, feeling a little numb and pulled out a business card and gave it to the inspector. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Kirkland."

Arthur nodded, smiling, the Spaniard waved, cheerful. The inspector called the other men over and they left. Nobody searched his office or the basement. He was safe, for now.

He turned as soon as the police cars had driven away, "Who the bloody hell are you?"

The Spaniard smiled, flashing those brilliant teeth once more, "I'm just a friend, Jack." He sounded too cheerful. "Helping out a friend." He sauntered out of the building, smiling wide, eyes cheerful. If this were a Spanish soap opera, a little acoustic guitar riff would have been appropriate.

Arthur couldn't hear the receptionist or any of the coworkers attempting to figure out what happened. Who was that man? It didn't make any sense, why would he help the so-called villain? What was in it for him?

* * *

><p>Alfred was sulking. Feliks was extremely upset, because it was much worse than his just worrying. He was sulking. He was nibbling his nails, lost in his own words. Feliks almost attempted to talk to him, but it didn't seem like Alfred had heard anything at all. Even Toris tried to cheer him up, offering him some hamburgers periodically. He knew he had ruined something last night. The way that Arthur had left, he had slammed the door without any parting words.<p>

There were a few upsides, though. He had, had some of the best sex in his life. But that brought him back to the issue of Arthur storming out that night and he was back into the little hole of misery. The other upside was that Jack Union hadn't done anything that night so he had no issues involving that jerk.

"Alfred do you want to take the night off? You seem a bit out of it." Toris said patting Alfred's back, rubbing gentle circles. He ignored the pointed glare from Feliks.

"Nah, nah, can you just get me a cup of coffee?" He asked a sad smile crossing his face. Toris smiled and nodded.

He replayed the series of events leading up to Arthur's departure. They had fucking amazing sex, they slept a while, Arthur went to the bathroom and it sounded like he puked, he walked out and was pissed, and he stormed out. Did something happen in the bathroom…? Did he accidentally leave little marks all over his body and it would mess things up at work or something? Did he find something in the bathroom? But what would be in the bathroom that would make him angry? He didn't do anything wrong… Nyquil, hydrogen peroxide, toothbrush and toothpaste….

Since Alfred lived alone, he kind of left things around assuming that it would be alright because nobody came over. Unless, ya'know, they came over to have amazing sex. And usually he would take the time to hang up his Hero costume, but he was pretty tired after that whole reptile issue so he just tossed it aside. Or into random things. Like bathtubs. And he remembered taking a shower that morning and folding the suit to put it away, away later.

Did the costume make Arthur mad? But why? The Hero was awesome! He beat up guys like Jack Union, and if Arthur did find the costume, wouldn't he ask about it or something?

Toris set the cup of coffee on the table in front of Alfred, "You sure you're feeling alright?" He asked again. Alfred ran a hand through his hair, it didn't feel right. Arthur wouldn't just jump to the conclusion that _he_ was The Hero just because he had the costume, right? Because if Jack Union somehow did a sneak attack on Alfred F. Jones he'd be screwed. But Arthur wouldn't tell Jack Union anything even if he did jump to conclusions and and he'd have to come and ask Alfred for confirmation, right? He wouldn't just think that that because he had the suit that – BAM—he was The Hero.

"ALFRED!" Alfred finally looked up to meet the deep green gaze of a Polish man in a pink dress.

"Huh?"

"I have to go, like, now, my show starts in 30 minutes. Toris called some of his friends to come and, I dunno, work for you or something. Seriously, if you don't, like, feel good you should go home. I don't want to get fired and I don't want you to get fired." He shouldered a small purse and turned, his hips swaying and heels clacking. Feliks made a beautiful woman.

In a matter of minutes, Toris's friends arrived. There was the young kid, blonde hair, short, nervous, and there was the taller one with glasses. The three were close and all very similar. Introverted, quiet, nervous.

"You can go now, Alfred. We can take care of things around here." Toris said rubbing circles in Alfred's back. Alfred nodded, numb, and started walking out the door.

"Thanks, Toris, it…" He couldn't find the words, "Just thanks."

* * *

><p>Once Arthur was no longer being questioned, he attempted to figure out some kind of solution to the bigger problem. Alfred was The Hero. But Arthur liked Alfred. A lot. He lost his virginity to Alfred and he was strangely feeling no regrets from that part of the night. And once he thought about it, he really didn't <em>hate<em> The Hero all that much, either. He really just needed him out of the way so he could have a genetically modified rhinoceros run through the home of the creator of Moonbucks.

So things could almost, almost work out if he just stopped being Jack Union all together. But that was far too suspicious. Not only would Alfred start getting ideas, but he would for sure be busted by the cops if he suddenly disappeared right after he got questioned and left Alfred sleepy in bed. So he had to do at least one more attempt. Something not too bad so he didn't hurt Alfred, but something that would shake everyone off his case…

He had to fake his own death.

That would still leave dealing with Moonbucks, but he could wait for that. Unfortunately, Moonbucks will always be there. He could come up with a new persona, something less conspicuous. Or maybe he could- No, no, now was not the time for planning that. He needed a low level scheme that would ultimately fail and end in Jack Union's death.

There was a knock on the basement door. Arthur flinched and regained his calm before walking over and opening it a crack.

"Y-Yes? Hello?" He asked.

There was a tall brunette with glasses and a little "beauty mark" standing in front of him. The way he was standing made him seem condescending, or maybe it was just that he was much taller than Arthur. Arthur didn't really know the man, he worked on upper levels, but he _believed_ that his name was Roderich or something of that nature.

"Hello Mr. Kirkland. I am here to inform you that your work recently has been less than satisfactory. You will meet with Ms. Héderváry if you wish to keep your job. Her office is on floor three, I suggest you go there immediately." The man, German or Austrian or something like that judging by his accent, turned and walked away leaving Arthur a little more than upset.

He had forgotten that he had a real job to do… He was so caught up in the Jack Union madness, that he hadn't done any of the experiments assigned to him… He looked over his shoulder at his desk, there was a mountain of paper all of it unfinished…

"Shit…" He mumbled. What excuse could he have? He was too busy creating extremely large animals so he could thwart the protector of the city and eventually destroy Moonbucks because it ruined his life...? No, no, honesty never worked on bosses. Not to mention he would get fired, then arrested.

"Please explain to me why you have not done a single project you have been assigned, ." Her eyes were terrifying, like they were staring into his soul. She was more man than woman, while remaining absolutely stunning.

Arthur stammered. He had no excuse. "My, ah, brother died a week after I arrived in the states!" He blurted out. No, Orion nor Connor or Peter was not dead as much as he would have like it to be so. He pulled a sad face, "It, uh, hit the family hard. We can't afford a ticket back to England so I have to stay here. I guess I've just been distracted, I apologize."

Her eyes narrowed, they were no longer looking into his soul, but devouring it. Arthur made a point to look away.

"Mr. Kirkland get your work done." She said, but her voice made it sound like a warning. She didn't believe him, but she wasn't going to fire him. It was quite a relief.

But Arthur's ever growing list of shit to get done was, ya'know, growing. Not only did he have to come up with some brilliant fake death, he also had to finish weeks of work he hadn't even started. Then he had to keep his identity secret still and also, the hardest part of it all, he had to swallow his pride and go apologize to Alfred.

* * *

><p>Alfred wasn't really sure what he was doing. He couldn't work or else he'd mess everything up. He couldn't really talk to anyone about this because he couldn't let anyone know who he is. He really wanted to see Arthur, but when he thought about it, he didn't know really anything about Arthur. He didn't have his phone number, address, no work information. He was a total mystery.<p>

So he just went home and tried to find something to block angry, empty thoughts from his mind. He could read. No, reading was lame and he'd get bored and start thinking about Arthur. He could watch T.V. That was always a good escape.

He turned on some boring kids show and sat, waiting for the numbing effects of cartoons to go into action. His eyes grew lazy, his thoughts fluttered around until they landed on Arthur again.

"Gunter! Who told you, you could fly!" Arthur wouldn't like it that he was watching cartoons. He would say it was childish or something. He would say they should go out instead or something. There were so many things Alfred wanted to do with Arthur. Movies and dinners and all that lame crap that couples did.

"Dad! Why'd you do that!"

It wasn't working.

He decided to go to his last resort. The only thing that could truly distract him in troubling times. He went to this when that Mexican kid dumped him, he went to this when he found out his brother was dating an annoying French dude and moving to Europe. He went to this when his dog died when he was 14.

He had to go to comic books.

Comics were a lot like porn to Alfred. He was gay, so seeing some random people doing on the computer and in magazines it didn't do anything for him. And sure there was gay porn, but the men were, like in all porn, sucked at having sex with a camera in there. But reading about muscular men fighting crime in tight, tight clothing…

He flipped through a few of his old comics, relishing the cartoon muscles showing through red spandex. Alfred reached into his jeans and gently ran two fingers up and down his length… But he remembered when Arthur was the one doing something like this. Green eyes, hazy and drunk. Flushed skin…

Arthur had ruined it all.

He wanted—_needed_ to see Arthur, apologize for something he wasn't quite sure of, make up, make out, maybe some hot apology sex. Anything, anything, he needed to see him. He rolled over and checked the clock.

"Fuck!" He scrambled out of bed, spilling comics all over his floor and ran into his bathroom. It was 9:25 already and he needed to be downtown in five minutes to beat up Jack Union and save Buttsecks City from impending doom.

"Where! Where!" He searched through his cabinets looking for his contacts and having almost no luck whatsoever. "Fuck it!" He started pulling on his tight costume and buckling his belt. He needed to get out of there. _Now._

* * *

><p>"Running a bit late, dear hero?" It was unmistakably Jack Union. Alfred glared; it was only 9:50 or something… He wasn't <em>that<em> late. He pressed a button of a device in his pocket and steam began to roll out from the buildings.

Arthur had a hard time not staring. The way that the red fabric clung to Alfred's body…. Was alluring. And he could see it, now. The height, the build, clumsiness, the voice… It was so _Alfred._ And after seeing him naked, it was so much more obvious. Each muscle seemed so familiar. But there was something different. Alfred was wearing his glasses… Wasn't he worried that they would break?

"Shut up, scum!" He cried back, pulling out one of his guns. Shotgun, real shells, real pain. Arthur decided to speed things up before faking his death became actually dying.

"W-What's all this!" Alfred yelled, the fog resting at his feet.

Arthur smirked, "A little surprise." The ground beneath his feet began to glow in a bright yellow light. "The fire flares up and burns it to a crisp. Enflames it from side to side and burns it to a crisp. It leaves not a trace... "He chanted and raised his arms in the air and the light became brighter.

"W-W—Are you summoning the devil or something!" Alfred said taking a step back. He thought he'd seen it all when he watched Felik's drag show, but then came a giant pigeon, then a giant hedgehog and the snake… And now he was doing fucking magic.

"_**Unworthy…"**_ A voice deep and loud boomed over the sound. Jack Union became scared.

"N-No! I am worthy!"

"_**No sacrifice…." **_

"He's right in front of you! Listen to me!" The light became blinding and Arthur began picking up his little devices providing the show. "This wasn't supposed to happen! No! NOO!" He fell to his knees almost ready to pick up the rest of the lights and run into the sewers.

But Alfred had other plans. He ran forward and grabbed Jack by the arms, "You may be an evil son of a bitch, but you deserve jail, not hell!" He cried, but it didn't feel like Jack Union was being pulled into the ground. It actually felt like he was just sitting there.

"_**You will burn!"**_

Now that he could see it, there was a speaker sticking out of Jack's pocket. He looked up to meet Jack's eyes, confused. Jack reacted quickly, punching Alfred in the jaw, sending his glasses flying and the smaller man falling backwards. His cap fell off revealing a mop of lemon yellow hair.

"For all you know, _hero,_ I'm dead." He snarled, grabbing the cap and quickly shoving it on his head. He shoved the string of Christmas lights into the jacket of his suit. "Alright, you git? Dead."

Jack Union ran over to a manhole and jumped into the sewers leaving Alfred confused and hurting. But something was unsettling… It could just be him, because he didn't have his glasses on or anything but…Was it just him, or did Jack Union look a whole lot like Arthur without the cap on?

* * *

><p>WHOA MAN WHOA.<p>

I really had no idea what I was going to do about Arthur… Seriously, he had this list of problems and I was all "Shit…. What the hell am I going to do?"

ANYWAY next chapter is the final one. Don't break out the tissue boxes and start crying just yet, you have to read the next chapter before you decide you're sad it's over… Is that a spoiler? I dunno. Don't go on guessin'. And Hearts, don't you dare tell them.

P.S. extra brownie points for anyone who can guess what T.V. show/ episode of that show Alfred is watching. Hearts, I know you know it so you're not allowed to say.

P.P.S. don't cha just love "wizard" Artie?

P.P.P.S. Don't you just want Antonio as a buddy? He's so cool.

P.P.P.P.S. Lemon next chapter.


	6. My hero

We have reached the final chapter, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have reached the end. This, my friends, is no riddle. Just wait until after and it will all come clear.

SOOOO 3k+ hits. Dear god my heart is soaring. I love you all so much and I am so happy you stuck around until the end.

Superspecialshoutout to wootwootpie for getting the show correct. I'm so happy that people watch Adventure Time. XD

P.S. This chapter is really titled Cheeseballs

P.P.S. I got some wisdom teeth removed, so if the last half seems a little… Wonky, then it's because of painkillers.

* * *

><p><em>For all you know <em>hero, _I'm dead. _His voice… was so similar to Arthur's… But it couldn't be Arthur… Could it? British, green eyes, height, build… And that dream… It _did _make sense… But how could Arthur be Jack Union? How could Arthur become such an evil person? He was sweet and smart and couldn't hold his liquor, but who's to judge him when they were all drinking to get smashed anyway. And Jack was uncaring and stupid and a fucking _villain_.

And if Arthur was Jack Union, then Jack Union knew that _he _was The Hero! Would he attack Alfred when he was unsuspecting? There was so much he could do with that information and just about none of it was good. But all of this was based off of assumption. Arthur could have _not_ seen Alfred's costume, and Jack Union could be a different blonde-haired, green-eyed Englishman. (But who was he kidding?)

And what was that about? _For all you know _hero_, I'm dead. _Did that mean that Arthur was going to kill himself? He couldn't ever, ever let that happen. That was too much. He didn't know anything, really, about Arthur, but he knew that he wanted to protect him. He wanted to always make sure that he was okay, safe. He wanted to make him smile and he didn't care if they would fight. He couldn't let Arthur just disappear.

There was one thing for certain. He needed to talk to Arthur, as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>Arthur's wonderful, magnificent, oh-so-clever, fool proof plan was ruined. By a fool. Why in the world would Alfred try to save his enemy? He spent the better half of a month trying to harm him with all different methods of destruction and he couldn't just let his anger take over just once! And what's worse, Arthur's cap fell off. He prayed that Alfred didn't see his hair it would be too obvious. But he would know. Alfred was an idiot, but there were too many things pointing to him. And this time he didn't have a strange Spanish man to give him an alibi.<p>

He needed to talk to Alfred straight away and he figured the best way to get to him would be to meet him at the diner. He ended up there at six in the morning, nearly an hour before it opened. He couldn't sleep. He was too worried that something else would go wrong. In fact, he didn't sleep all night. He lay in bed with the lights off. His eyes were closed but they were always filled with visions of something horrible. Alfred not accepting his apologies, getting turned in, getting sent back to England. No, he didn't sleep at all…

"_How could I love someone like that? Evil? A-and you tried to kill me?"_

"_Alfred! Forgive me!" _

"_No. You don't get it, _Jack,_ you've ruined everything."_

"_Alfred! No! Alfred, I love you!" _

"Are you Arthur?" He was nudged slightly and his eyes shot open. "Sir, please come inside, you'll catch a cold like that!" Arthur rubbed his sleepy eyes and let himself get helped up by a young brunette man. He unlocked the door and led Arthur inside. "Do you want some coffee?" He asked hanging up his coat on a rack near the door.

Arthur sighed, as much as he hated the stuff, he could use it. "Sure, thank you." He waited a few moments and the lights in the diner turned on and the sound of coffee being ground filled the air. He didn't know who the brunette man was, but he was nice and Arthur liked him.

The man came back with a full mug, "And you're Arthur?" He asked.

Arthur nodded taking a sip of the coffee. It was disgusting, but hot and worth it. "I'm Arthur."

"I'm Toris." He smiled, "You made Alfred worry a whole lot, you know." He explained.

Arthur sighed, "And I feel terrible…"

The chime of the door rang out as a man with long blonde hair strolled in. "Toris!" He sang, announcing his arrival. Toris stood and greeted the other man with a hug. The man caught a glance at Arthur and his eyes narrowed, "Heey! You're that Arthur guy!" He broke from the hug and stomped over to where Arthur was sitting. "Ohmygod you are a horrible person! Making Alfred worry like that, you should feel, like horrible!"

Arthur sighed, "That I do, sir."

Feliks would have said more, but Arthur had dark circles around his eyes and he was sitting at a diner before it officially opened… "Are you, like, waiting for Alfred or something?" He asked scooting into the seat across from him. Arthur nodded, "Ohmygod, that's so super adorable." He rested his head in his palms, "So are you, like, in love?" He asked. For a moment, Felik's green eyes flicked to Toris who was heading back to the kitchen to begin work.

Arthur's face heated up, "I—ah—No! I'm not in love! I… I just need to apologize to Alfred." He stared at the coffee. Warm and deep and bitter.

Felik's stood and winked at Arthur, "Yeah, sure." He said not trying to hide that hint of sarcasm and nearly skipped over to the kitchen to steal a couple of kisses before he started work.

Before Arthur could brood over the judgmental Polish man, another chime rang out from the door. Arthur looked up and there he was. Just looking at Alfred made his heart ache. He had truly ruined things for them. He realized that they would never be able to be together. Things would be too tense, too awkward. Too much talking and not enough explaining.

Alfred's eyes widened, showing surprise and confusion, and lowered showing anger. He promptly walked over to Arthur, grabbed him roughly about the shoulders and forced him into an aggressive kiss. Shocked and loving it, Arthur pressed into the kiss wanting to drown in Alfred's warmth. He realized that this was their first honest kiss. No alcohol influences, just him.

They broke when Alfred felt something wet on his cheeks. Arthur was crying and he_ could_ name a few reasons why, but he wouldn't voice them.

"Alfred, Alfred, I'm so sorry," He said burying his face in Alfred's shirt.

"We need to talk." Alfred whispered. Arthur nodded into Alfred's shirt, not wanting to let go and face reality again. He wanted to stay like this forever and forget about Jack Union and his job and the cops and everything.

Alfred walked them back to the booth where Arthur was sitting. "Who are you, Arthur?" He asked.

After an uncomfortable 30 seconds of silence, Arthur replied, "I'm not too sure anymore." _Arthur Kirkland. Top genetic engineer t at Facilities of Abnormal Genetics._ "Mr. Kirkland. Arthur. Iggy. Jack Union…"

"So you are—"

"It's really no secret anymore…" Arthur's tone grew morose.

Alfred paused, "But why?"

"It's a long story." He said.

"I've got time."

So Arthur told him. He explained about his mother and the transfer to the states. He told about Moonbucks and the letters and just wanting to get to the owner. He told about The Hero posing as an obstacle to get to him.

"And what makes you think that going to the owner of Moonbucks would make The Hero want to, I don't know, 'punish' you or whatever?" He asked.

Arthur paused. He didn't know. Because he wanted to murder the owner of Moonbucks, but he knew that he wouldn't, really. He actually couldn't name a single good reason why The Hero would stop Arthur from complaining to the owner of Moonbucks… Then again… there was that rino deal.

"Nevermind. What about you? The Hero?"

"When I moved to Buttsecks City, it wasn't really a good place to be." He explained." And I grew up loving comics and mom always taught me to stay true to my morals and… And so The Hero was born. I beat up guys that tried to pull shit. And it worked…" He chuckled nervously. "And you're the only one that knows it's me."

There was another awkward pause. "Do you regret it?" Alfred asked.

"Being Jack Union?"

"No… Do you regret…. _It_?"

Arthur flushed bright red. No, he didn't regret spending the night with Alfred. If he could have his way they would be back at Alfred's apartment right then. He wanted _more_. He wanted to feel it for real and remember it in the morning. "I,uh…" He hid his face in his hands; it was not easy to say. "No…" He whispered, "No, I don't regret it…" _Alfred, I love you_.

"Okay then, do you regret becoming Jack Union?" Arthur wondered how he could remain so calm… Was he angry? Annoyed?

Jack Union made his office a disaster, almost got him arrested, almost lost him his job, almost cost him his boyfriend (of sorts), and ruined a perfectly good suit. "Wholly." Arthur replied, "And last night… I was trying to fake his death so he could disappear forever. I was so afraid… He just made a mess of everything…"

A wave of relief washed over Alfred, he wasn't going to kill himself… "Ohmygod, thank god, I thought you were going to do something stupid, ohgod, Arthur I was so worried!" He wanted to tackle Arthur into a hug, but there was a table in the way, so he just fought back tears of happiness. Heros don't cry.

Arthur blushed, "Worried…?"

"Well—uh—" Alfred's face matched Arthur's in color, "I thought that you were going to leave forever and… and I really don't want you to leave and stuff…" _I love you, Arthur._

There was another pause, but it wasn't as awkward as the others. It was warmer, happier, less tense.

"Ravis? Do you think—Alfred just—Yes. Oh that would be awesome. Eduard too? I swear I'll do anything to make it up to you. No, please don't tell him. Are you kidding? Ivan would kill me! Uh-huh. Thank you, thank you, Ravis." It was Toris on the phone behind the counter. "Alfred, you've got the day off." He called, hanging up.

"Huh?"

"Ravis and Eduard are filling in, you can go." Toris explained. Feliks smiled from the doorway to the kitchen. It was like a chick-flick, but gay.

Alfred smiled, his eyes lighting up, "Seriously?" Toris nodded. (He decided not to question it further, never look a gift horse in the mouth) Alfred grabbed Arthur's hand and pulled him towards the door. "Arthur, you're a mystery and I want to know all about you." He smiled, "So let's just talk a while, okay?" Arthur smiled and nodded.

Yes, a gay chick-flick would be a good way to describe that.

As soon as they left, Feliks hugged Toris from behind, "That was totally nice of you," He said.

Toris flushed red. "Well, he's been so worried and-and, I think he deserves it…"

"You're so good." Toris turned to meet Feliks's eyes and smiled. Feliks placed a hand on Toris's cheek and gave him a quick kiss before returning to the kitchen.

They talked for a long time. They talked about superheros and wizards and genetic engineering and waiting tables. Arthur explained everything about his family, his brothers and mother's anguish upon losing her job. Arthur talked about his mother like she was God almighty. It was nice, it was easy… Provided, they did end up arguing about almost everything. They made up, though. Sweet butterfly kisses tended to tame the beast of Arthur.

* * *

><p>Antonio Fernandez Carriedo paced around his basement, quite distraught. Arthur had serious guts to try and pull a stunt like that. A fake devil summoning? What good would that do? The Hero would still live… He would be scared, Antonio assumed, but he wouldn't he dead. And Antonio wanted him dead.<p>

"So why don't you just kill him yourself? I'm pretty sure this English guy is more of an idoita than you, and that's saying something."

Antonio smiled, "Lovino," He put his hands on the young Italian's cheeks, "Sweet, young, Lovino." He smiled at the boy's face a moment before letting go and turning. "If anyone were to find out that I wanted to murder someone… They'd shut down my restaurant!" He flashed Lovino an award winning smile. Straight, white teeth, glittering green eyes, "Provided, I will take action when that fool finally gets caught, but for now, why shouldn't I let someone else do the dirty work."

"Why the hell do you even want to kill this kid? He hasn't _done _anything." The albino German said taking a swig of beer.

"Because that fucking bastard left me without so much as a 'goodbye!'He went and took the other job like… like… Like it was so much fucking better!" He crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. "If Francis were here then he'd understand."

The small Italian flipped on the T.V. and the albino bartender joined him on the couch. "You should really let it go, Antonio. It's unhealthy."

"… _the case involving Jack Union. Police are declaring the case officially closed and confirming that Jack Union is no longer a threat. News Channel 3's Janine Rivers has met with Buttsecks City's Hero to give us the details of Jack Union's mysterious disappearance"_

Antonio turned to face the T.V. The news was on and he was a little curious… They mentioned something about The Hero and Jack Union.

"_This is Janine Rivers, reporting live with The Hero himself. Tell us, Hero, what exactly happened with Jack Union last night." _

"_Well, I was about to stun him so I could turn him in when he started chanting all these strange things. Suddenly, there was this light and this voice and he was being pulled into the ground." _

"_And you believe that this was some kind of satanic ritual?" _

"_Or something. All I know for sure is that Jack Union disappeared right into the ground…" _

"_So you believe that he is dead?" _

"What! What!" Antonio cried turning his full attention to the screen. There was that damn hero clad in red white and blue speaking to some reporter. "¿Qué? ¿Cómo puede estar pasando esto? Ese hijo de puta!" Antonio started speaking incredibly fast in his native tongue.

"_Without a doubt. I looked everywhere after the fog had cleared but there was nothing but his mask." _

The Hero showed the reporter a blue half-mask. There was a single miniscule Union Jack on the left side that Antonio had noticed on Jack Union himself. It didn't appear to be a copy," This doesn't make sense! Arthur Kirkland is still alive! Why does this idiot have it!"

"So strange of you to be so angry," Gilbert commented.

"This is… I have to… I don't even know what to do…" Antonio said, he was pacing again.

"_That was Buttsecks City's own Hero telling us that the terrifying terror that Jack Union has brought upon Buttsecks City has finally ended for good. I'm Janine Rivers, News Channel 3."_

"_Questions are still being asked about the authenticity of the supposed 'Satanic Ritual,' and many controversial topics have been brought up discussing the religious aspects to this encounter. Many church—" _

Lovino turned off the T.V., "So what is going on, exactly?" He asked, a little afraid that Antonio was showing an emotion other than happiness. It was so strange to see him so worked up.

"It seems that Arthur is backing out…" Antonio growled, "That little bastard!" He went over to the closet that Antonio had once said that nobody, _nobody_ was to go in it. Lovino and Gilbert had both tried, but it was locked, so the warning was a bit counterproductive. If the two hadn't been so lazy, they would have found a way to get inside, but if Antonio had just shut his mouth, then nobody would have even noticed that it was there.

He pulled out a large set of keys and inserted one into the lock. Lovino and Gilbert hurried to peer over Antonio's shoulders to see what was inside. Antonio flung open the door to reveal lots of sequins, ruffles in black, red, and gold, and a bright red cape. It looked like an extremely gay matador's suit.

"What the hell is that?" Lovino asked, severely unimpressed.

"Lovi, mi amore, I have to do something now that I had hoped could have waited. But it must be done… I must become…" He paused for dramatic effect, "El Bribón Lujurioso!"

"… The Lusty Scoundrel...?" Lovino repeated.

Antonio nodded, extremely grave.

Gilbert and Lovino shared a confused and slightly mortified look.

_This bastard is a complete idiot!_

* * *

><p>"Thank you." Arthur said kissing Alfred again. "Thank you so much." He couldn't stop; he just kept laying little chaste kisses on Alfred's lips. They were sitting in Unicorn Park, the stars shining, but nobody could see them in the city. For once, neither of them had anywhere to be, and it was already 9:45. The Hero had played the part perfectly and now Jack Union was dead for good.<p>

Alfred smiled onto Arthur's lips, "Arthur, I would do just about anything for you."

"Oh god, would you like some wine with that cheese?" They both laughed.

There was a pause, "But I'm serious. I really would." _I love you, Arthur._ He placed a hand on Arthur's cheek. _Just say it! Just say it, you idiot! _"Arthur I…" He flushed. "I, uh…" _I. LOVE. YOU. _

"You git." He pulled Alfred into another kiss, deeper this time. Fireworks would have been fitting.

"ArthurIloveyou!" Alfred blurted as soon as they broke. He flushed and averted his gaze. "I don't care if you were the worst person ever sometimes and I don't care if you have problems." He bit his lip, "I really—I just—God, I just love you, okay?"

Arthur smirked and kissed Alfred again, "You are really just bloody stupid yank." He wrapped his arms around Alfred's neck, ignoring his hurt expression "And I fancy you quite a lot."

* * *

><p>The duo returned to Alfred's apartment in a heated, passionate series of kisses. They eventually found themselves naked on Alfred's bed. Alfred kissed Arthur's bare knee, "I love you." He said. Arthur chuckled. Alfred trailed kisses down Arthur's thigh, "I love you." He repeated. Arthur hummed in response. Their fingers were threaded together as Alfred began to kiss Arthur's erection.<p>

He licked the underside and slowly took the sensitive head into his mouth. Arthur writhed, desperately wanting more. His stomach was contracting and his hips were bucking as Alfred took the whole thing into his mouth.

"Ah—Alfred—nnnh" Arthur breathed, his face flushing pink and his hands grasping and ungrasping the sheets. Alfred bobbed his head up and down, pressing his tongue to the appendage. With his free hand, he fondled Arthur's balls. Arthur began to feel really warm, his body heating up and he felt Alfred lapping precum off his erection.

Before Alfred took Arthur's cock into his mouth again, Arthur placed a hand on his forehead, stopping him. "Hmm?"

"I… I want to make you feel good too…" Arthur said, looking at the nightstand, his already burning face going to a new level of embarrassment.

Alfred paused then smiled. He climbed over Arthur's body so that they were eyelevel again and kissed him. He ran his tongue along Arthur's lip nibbled on it. Arthur sighed and pressed into the kiss. He reached down and ran his fingers along Alfred's penis earning a soft groan from the American.

He grasped Alfred's penis and began pumping up and down. Alfred melted onto Arthur's chest panting and groaning. Arthur's hand was soon slippery with precum and Alfred was dangerously close to release.

"S-Stop…" He pleaded and Arthur pulled his hand away. Alfred reached into his nightstand and pulled out the lube and a condom and made haste to put on the condom and spill the lube into his hand. He pulled Arthur's legs and positioned them on his hips. "This'll be cold, okay?" Arthur nodded.

Alfred pushed his finger in and pulled out rubbing the tight walls causing Arthur to squirm. He curled his finger and rubbed right across Arthur's prostate making him gasp and his eyes open wide. Alfred inserted a second finger and began thrusting them in an out occasionally scissoring them to stretch him. The third finger went in and for a while it was pained groans from Arthur and the quiet sound of Alfred's lubricated fingers going in and out of Arthur.

"Nnnh… Okay, okay…" Arthur breathed, placing his hands on Alfred's shoulders. "You can go now…." He flushed, embarrassed. He almost missed the alcohol and the shamelessness that came with it.

Alfred nodded his back a little stiffer. He poured a little more lube onto his penis and rubbed it around. He pulled Arthur's legs so that his ass was positioned just in front of his penis. He caressed Arthur's cheek and he chuckled, "You're so cliché. I swear you are right out of some lame girl movie," He said laughing.

"Only girl movies don't tend to have two of these…" Alfred smirked, toying with Arthur's penis. Arthur gasped, heat flushing over his face

"Put it in, goddammit." Arthur growled, growing incredibly impatient.

Alfred obliged, slowly pushing in. Arthur writhed, the feeling of something that big more painful than he expected. He didn't have the numbing alcohol to blur the pain this time, he got it all… It was almost like it was his first time all over again. Arthur grunted, not wanting to let it show just how much it was hurting.

"I'm sorry…" Alfred said, pausing.

Arthur shook his head. "It's f-fine. Keep going."

So he did, he pushed in all the way, relishing the tightness of the almost virgin, and pulled out. Arthur wasn't moaning and begging for more, so he assumed that he was doing something wrong. He pushed in again, this time at a different angle, and still nothing. The third time, though, his entire length rubbed against Arthur's prostate, causing him to arch his back and bite his lip.

Alfred leaned down and kissed Arthur's chest as he pulled out again, "You okay?" He asked, thrusting in.

Arthur nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. The pain was still there, but was less intense, more pleasurable. All around better. Arthur's breathing became erratic, coming out in choppy gasps rather than breath. Soon they fell into a rhythm and each time Alfred rammed right into Arthur's prostate causing him to cry out more than once. Arthur hugged Alfred tight, relishing the salty scent of sweat and the feeling of the other man's skin.

It was like making love to America, he noted. It was a little harsh, a little greedy, but good. His kisses tasted like wheat fields and his breath was hot like summer.

"I'm going to—mmmhh" He was cut off my Alfred pumping Arthur's erection again, his release quickly spilling over their chests. He tightened around Alfred making it harder and harder to keep in rhythm.

"Haa… Fuck, Arthur-!" He pushed in a final time before coming into the condom. He pulled out and rolled over, his hand still intertwined in Arthur's.

"Alfred…"

"Hmmm?"

"You're my hero."

* * *

><p>THE END! NEIN!<p>

You have some options. And you have to review or else you won't get anything.

A sequel to this story where The Hero and [insert super hero name for Arthur here] must take on El Bribón Lujurioso, The Bad Touch Trio, and The Little Tomato before they take their revenge on Alfred F. Jones and Arthur Kirkland and destroy Buttsecks City.

The same story told in the point of view of Feliks with drag shows, drugs, a gossip columnist, scandal, and shoes. Lots of shoes. This one you get the biggest look into the heart of Buttsecks City and find out all it's dirty little secrets that not even The Hero can clean up. Lots of Liet/Pol.

The same story told in the point of view of Ludwig Bielschmidt. How, when he first met Feliciano, he was dating some obnoxious American. Then he got fired from his first job and got a new job taking on the Jack Union case and not solving a damn thing.

SO PICK ONE AND REVIEW AND TELL ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT AND I LOVE YOU AND RAINBOWS AND GAYS!

And if you follow me on Deviantart, you will find little comics of scenes in the fanfic that I feel should be illustrated.

((Sorry for rushed sex at the end, there. I really wanted to get this up soon…))

Thank you everyone for reading, I love you all so so so much. You make my heart do little dances. Seriously, I love you all so much. I would make love to every single one of you, except not really because I'm not a whore.

TSCHAU!


	7. Note

Howdy ya'll!

THE READERS HAVE SPOKEN!

AND YOU HAVE CHOSEN!

The Hero VS El Bribón Lujurioso!

*everyone cheers*

So it is officially up! Go and read it and review! ;D


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